it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
