Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
