you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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