your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize