Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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