I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
