so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
