I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
