last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
