all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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