I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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