FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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