Screwed.edu
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
