the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
