I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Still dying that you shit outside
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
