I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Your penis caused this!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
