Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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