Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
