There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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