I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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