That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
