I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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