You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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