I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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