My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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