oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
