just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
