how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
