There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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