guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm at about main and main street
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
