if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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