I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
