I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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