Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize