What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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