I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
