Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.