Plan B is the new Plan A
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad