Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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