Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
