my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
