you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
