is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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