i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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