the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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