I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think your dad took our porno
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
