and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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