i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think i have two assholes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
