And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
