i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
