Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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