my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
