btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
