Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
