I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
