I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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