So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
