so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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