Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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