You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
