she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
