What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
