HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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