He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
