farters have to be the big spoon...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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