you guys were way drunker than both of me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
