It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
