he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
